all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
