I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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