drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
