What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
