There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
false alarm. still invincible.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
