Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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