last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I want to fling myself into the sun
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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