I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
