i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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