I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
