I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I want to fling myself into the sun
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
