I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I would fuck him just for his dog
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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