That reminds me...we need to get swords
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
