I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
