I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
