I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
