we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
