i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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