I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
