shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
