I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
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you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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