he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
