It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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