mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
