He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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