If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
