i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
