So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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