We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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