Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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