I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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