I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
