she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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