So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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