I think I am morally bankrupt
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
