Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize