at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
