I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
