New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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