Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
