So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
