Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Welp...herpes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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