is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
