32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
