Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
