dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
