Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
