so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
