New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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