I heard we made out
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
