Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
