I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
