dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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