she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
