i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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