I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
