I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
