Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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