I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
