That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
