gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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