Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
