I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
