you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
